On repeat

You were just a rope. With an unfinished knot, yet has tied so complex thus completing you just won't work, and untying you will only bring more pain.

You are a flower. full of thorn. Hurting me innocently. Killing me slowly. Enjoying my confusion. Bathing me with hopes in the morning. Draining my soul with the feeling of worthlessness in the night.

You are the melody. The sad song. That plays the line "one day you screaming you love me loud, the next day you so cold" in my heart and "do you have to make me feel like there's nothing left on me?" In my mind

You're not a question. Not the one big question.
Why
Do
You
Pace
Back
And
Forth?
No

I am the question, that only question.
What
Did
I
Do
Wrong?

I see the same steps that turning the back of me. With the same pain. With more confusion . With less shock
Why couldn't I be enough?

You're the same pain on repeat. The exact same wound. Stabbing me for times. bring me to bed with bleeding blanket. Oh that, familiar smell.
I don't want it anymore, please?
You said I shouldn't refuse
Are we in this together?
You said I should never hesitate
Will you tell me why?
You said you will, someday, -and the same answers since four years ago
Are you leaving me?
You said I should stop worrying bad things
You are coming for me, aren't you?
You don't.
Where are you?

You promised us to see a fireworks tomorrow
You left me stranded today
You didn't show up
You were sorry, you couldn't explain. Not now. Not the right time

Baby I know, the right time is never here.

You kissed me nice last night.
You don't talk to me next morning.
You said this isn't right
You take my skirt off the next night. I am the one. The only one.

Baby I know, you're my best mistake

Yesterday, I said I'll cut the rope tomorrow.
My time, stops today.
Good Bye




Depok, May 19th 2018
02.11 a.m