stay strong

Bleeding

have you ever had a dream, did everything for it, almost reach it, until all you need is just one step closer to that dream, but it just fucking dissapear in a sudden?
well, i ever.


i dont need to explain that i was an economic olympiad member which focused on debate to make it harder. i wont.
let we just begin this wound from the middle of this story, when i lose everything.


okay, i do not interested to share every single wound that i feel to make it more drama, but ill explain it simply by a sentence: its more than just hurted.

i hope you get my point when read that sentence

well, can i dissapear from this rudely life? i want to
too tired
in the night, i cried a whole night, i smile to everyone and said "im alright, its okay" biggest lie that i ever did. BIGGEST
i really am not okay at that time, really.
its TOO HARD FOR ME, i cant stand it, god :'(

in the night i texted my boyfriend, the only one who knows how it the most, even he doesnt know the full story, even he couldnt change anything, but at least i release this hard feeling.  let me save it safe in my heart. i fall to the deepest point in my life. oh god. i realize, it might be the things that would be my saddest experience, remember i have no idea when my teacher in english time asking what is my saddest experience and i still confuse

after this time, everything might be different. the smile wouldnt same anymore, never, the way i hope and the way i reach, would change, how mature i fate this life, it just fucking changes.

my friends are fighting now, today, and oh hell yeah can i just go away now? HARDFORME AND SOMEBODY PLEASE UNDERSTAND! I DONT NEED THE USELESS ADVICE THAT "IT MIGHT NOT UR WAY YET, REMEMBER THERES STILLL OTHER WAY! OR WHATEVER, I DONT NEED THAT! ALL I WANT IS THIS WAY! THE WAY THAT I CE DREAMED SINCE LONG TIME AGO!"
but, nobody care.
beside that, i ALWAYS HOPE THE BEST, i swear, Fighting guys :D :')



i still have a god who loves me anyway. this is the only one thing that keep me spirit. and undercontrol.
Astagfirullahaladzim :')

I'm still bleeding