Tuesday 17 November 2020

Untangling the stories: my dad survived Covid-19

This day last month, October 17th 2020, we (my family and I) heard that shocking news that my dad, is positive for COVID-19. I can’t say that we didn’t  really see this coming. I mean, with the current number, which is exponentially growing up. Statistically it would be very close to us. Somebody within our circle is expected to have the virus, 

But, did we really think that we’re exceptional? Well, actually, yes, as naïve as it sounds, it never occur to us that we will be on that end.

However, Alhamdulillah. That moment passed. I want to untangle the stories; what are the the probable cause and initial symptoms, the help that we received, the effort that we put to get thru this, and at last, the lesson that my family learned along the way. May this adds to your awareness that, the virus is still there, but it can be cured.

 

1)    The probable cause and initial symptoms – Wednesday, Oct 7th 2020

We wouldn’t know for sure what leads to what. But in our best capacity to trace down, Wednesday was the first time my dad started to feel unwell. My dad was not working from home, as his job requires him to interact with below poverty line citizens to run empowerment program, digital interaction was not really a choice. He attended an offline meeting that day, without wearing a mask, he admitted.

When he got home, he showered and trembled right when he got out of shower. We were laughing at that time as we thought it’s kind of silly for him to have chills just because he showered at 7 pm.

In the next day, my dad had a light fever. He felt cold. But that’s all. We still thought that it was the showering at 7 pm effect. 

In the next week, the light fever remained, but my dad noticed that he started to lose his smelling sense. Still, we weren’t sure that it was COVID-19 as it can also one of the impact of nasal congestion, that his nose is stuffed hence he couldn’t smell properly

Not only that, my father start to have red spots in his body. We went to dermatologist in Monday. And they mentioned that this seems like measles (campak). They gave us some meds; pills and ointments.

The red spot got worse and swelled at the night. It spread all over his body. And we went to hospital’s Emergency Room expecting to get some injection to reduce the swelling.

In the hospital, the diagnosis was med poisoning, because my dad took too many meds (regular heart disease meds, fever meds, and measles meds). Doctor suggested my dad to be hospitalized but the room was full at that night. However, as one of the requirement from the hospital, my dad needed to take SWAB test in order to get hospitalized, and also just as complementary check (doctor didn’t even wear full APD when checking my dad bc they were sure it was med poisoning)

 

2)    The support that we received

That day, around 1 pm. Three health workers came to our house. With their friendliest manner, confirmed my dad’s name, they spat out the news: dad is positive of COVID-19. They requested us to explain our travel history in the past three weeks. We explained. They wrote down important details. They would have to disinfect my dad’s office 

First priority would get the remaining family to be tested as we’re labelled as “close contact” to my dad. The swab and the medicine is free - all covered by regional govt, I think

We then informed our neighbors through call, broke the news, and informed that they might need to take the test as well because some of them did come to our house few days ago. Some of them didn’t even believe in COVID-19 (which is a completely different debate), they insisted to come to our house and ensure that we'll be fine soon. Some others who do believe of the virus existence, send their best support by comforting words. And mention that we should be relax and didn’t really worried about this

At that time, that psychological support is what we needed the most. My neighbor would send mom text in the morning asking whether we wanted anything for breakfast, or simply if we wanted anything. 

Aside from psychological support from our surrounding, the government also send us care package in form of sembako twice a week. Never did we know that we’ll be at the receiving end of this aids. At that time, it feels like, God, I don’t want this, I don’t want to receive this free stuffs. Let my dad be healthy and I’m willing to pay for this…. But it wasn’t the case, right. We were sent the free stuffs so that we won’t have to go out and exposing people to the C risk like us…

After five days of waiting, my family’s result comes out and we are all surprisingly negative except my dad. However, since he has no heavy symptoms, and we have enough facility to have self-isolation room. My dad stays at one room at our house. With separate bathroom, and separate cutlery

 

3)    The effort that we put to get thru this

We tried to find information here and there from COVID-19 survivor on what habits and typical medication used. And here are top 3 that my dad did during his time serving the C

a.     Drink boiled water of ginger + turmeric + lime + honey every morning and afternoon

Basically, u boil turmeric and ginger 1:3 (more ginger than turmeric), pour it with one spoon of honey and a half of lime water. Mix.

b.     Sunbathe! Every mornig

c.     Nasal wash using NaCl infusion fluids & Betadine nasal spray

I got this tips from other college whose family was positive for COVID-19 and hospitalized. One of the instruction is to wash the nose everyday with NaCl fluid using a syringe. Do this 2-3 times a day. Tilt your head to whichever direction you wanted to wash first (i.e tilt to left to wash left nostril). Once the nostril is clear, spray your nostril with Betadine nasal spray. Three times a day. Once for each nostril (according to the instruction)








4)    Lesson learned

   It took ~10 days until we heard the first negative of our dad's result. It was a rough time personally for me. I didn't really tell my friend until my dad's result comes out negative because I think, informing so, will only make me overwhelmed. Besides, I didn't meet any of my friends before we heard the news hence there's no use for tracing purpose anyway.

     Nevertheless, key things that I learned from this experience areL

a. Follow the protocol      

      I've been a very very cautious person, and in my utmost capability tried to ensure my family are too. But my dad learnt it harsh way that he need to be more careful. And really not to underestimate the function of mask in our daily activity given the current condition. The protocol is there for a reason. In an unfavorable situation like when my dad couldn't work from home, obeying the protocol would be the main shield from the virus. Even after the negative news, we sometimes still look back on the "if only", if only my dad wore mask to that meeting, if only I reminded him harder, etc. But there's no use of that and instead let it be a future lesson that we sure will remember

b.     Psychological support.

      This is really important. To expedite the healing process and ensure the immune functions well, patients and family need to stay sane and positive during all of this. My family and I joke around as our best coping mechanism. I personally talked in daily basis to my boyfriend, not to rely on his energy, but it helps me a lot to stay sane and normal. Furthermore, I called professional psychologist to untangle my mind and set a remote session with them to tears my . I was grateful that I made that call. It helps so much to lift the weight in my chest, which eventually also help my family to be more positive towards this.


I guess that's all for now.

In the meantime,

Stay sane everyone!

-S

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Sunday 12 July 2020

To Accept the Past


Everybody has their past. Our friends, our parents, our partners, and even us ourselves; You, and me, too. The past might be bitter lesson or remarkable memories, which somehow shapes us into who we are today. This part memory is inseparable and unchangeable. That’s just, live with you. And the best you could do is of course deal with it. And I’m fine with my past. I feel like, more often than not, I can be at peace of what had happened in my journey. Though it might be hurtful and problematic here and there. I love my self, I accept my past. But, that’s not the case when it comes to the guy that I like. 

I feel ridiculously hurt, to know his past. And it’s not even inherently hurtful. And even worse, it’s not even an act against nor betray me in any way. What he did, back then, even years before he knew me, had annoyingly unreasonably became pain on ass for me.

Like, God, he had candlelit dinner with his exes? He replied around 5 of his crush's tweet with  pictures? To know these, often times, burnt my mood and felt like I don’t wanna talk to him anymore. I felt like I want to burn the bridges rather than fixing it, I felt like, I’d delete my social media account rather than having to see those pictures when I accidentally hit “media” button in his twitter account. This, this unhealthy jealousy, put me in unnecessary agony. And I don’t want it, anymore.


It takes very much of me to let it sink, I’m doing nonsense. This, this very jealousy, is a huge problem if I don’t sit and think and deal with it. So, after some painful nights knowing he had past (I know!!!), here are my lesson learned:

1.     Relationship is two-hearts-homework, trust him too!
It’s really disrespectful when I think his past somehow would weaken him. No matter how beautiful and how awesome is his past, I need to trust him that he’s a grown up adult that had learned his lessons in life. No matter how much I invest my feeling and my effort in this ship, it wouldn’t change a thing if he still attached with his past. And vice versa, no matter how beautiful his past is, if he had decided it’s over and start over with me, then I need to trust him too, if I actually respect the ship.
If, by the end of the day, he comes back to his past, saying that he hadn’t actually moved on from it when he said he had, he lied, then it means that  he just won the designation of the most cruel human being. And that would be completely on him. And may universe serve what he deserved.

2.     It’s a PAST, goddammittt
Taking a step back, I really need to rub it to my face, the fact that; it’s his past. The fact that something has ended in the past, it means that it ended. It’s over. And unless, he stated that he hadn’t moved on from it, nothing needs to worry about. Even more, when I literally had asked him his feelings about his past and heard from his mouth that he had no string attached to the past. That being said. I need to trust him too. Isn’t it the point of every-thanggg

3.     Excuse me girl please reflect to yourself
As the last card, if the two points above still doesn’t make any sense, then I really need to take a look at myself.
When I was in love with people in my past, I love. I showered my significant other with love wholeheartedly. Until I learned my lesson. Does those beautiful memories made me couldn’t move on? No. Those memories are beautiful, yes. But then I learnt my lesson that things couldn’t work hence I closed the book.

After understanding those three points. It puts my heart at better peace. It’s okay, everybody has their past. When you decided to love someone, no one forced you to forcefully accepted their past. It’s with you. The decision is on your hand. And to me, I think I’m okay with the past.






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Friday 29 May 2020

To throw the bad things away

They say we have to throw the bad things in our life away, so that we can have more space for the good things.

I've been fine living with the wrongs, that in 2020 I decided to cut them all once I noticed the good that I wanted to keep in life.

But then life, won't let you have it all.
The only good that I wanted, who is the reason I cut everyone else that does not fit my vision, does not want me back.

Lol
What a fucking clown.
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Thursday 7 May 2020

All those little things, I want it too (an ugly truth)

You know,
all those little things
that you threw for free for anyone but me
I want it too

All the love emoticons, that you put on her comment sections,
I want to attract your eyes too

All the likes, that you put on the artsy pictures in her social media
I want that validation too

All the support, that you shower on her witty writing tweet
I want you to read my writings too

All the songs, that you put on an album named after her initial
I want you to listen because of me too

All the effort, that you put to confess to her three times
I want you to try for me too, even for once

But to you,
I'm invisible


Solok, May 8th 2020
An ugly truth; you don't want me
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Saturday 2 May 2020

Inadequacy

Hi,
Welcome to my first writing in 2020, it's 1.02 a.m, May, 3rd 2020.
It's already one month since self-quarantine due to Corona.

Briefly, things are sad. people lose job, people starving, animal is starving. The fear, the tense, and the pressure from economic-life feels like it's endless.
I know it's a super privilege to not be bothered by that at all. My payroll is coming as per usual and my work does not directly depend on daily basis interaction.
Well, at least for now.
Hope it ends, soon.

On this,
It's 1 a.m and I just really need to spit it out. Maybe this gonna sound like a pathetic scream, but I couldn't care less at this point. If I'm allowed to blame Corona and it's all upbringing that gives me the wind to overshare, then so be it

***
In short:
I liked a guy who likes a very, unique woman. She's so unique that she feels like, me, but just a better achiever and live longer than me.

I know,
I know, it sounds weird and pathetic to compare,
This does not even sound like me to not love my self and to choked to death every night by the feeling of inadequacy.

But it's the truth.

I feel like I've been outsmarted by every possible step

But it's funny that
I don't hate her
I don't.
I adore her.
And I know this guy deserves to be with someone who's just as cool; her.

I've been dying to try to find different point on me and her.

Maybe, just maybe, she's bad at math when she was 5th grade?

I know I should never go to battlefield before I'm done with my self.

This, this personality of comparing, is really doesnt sound like me and I never thought I'll be one today
But when it comes to someone that you love,
it matters
because you afraid of losing them.

It is, a scream for help.
How do I escape?




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